Valentine’s Day is February 14th. Check your phone. What’s today’s date? If you want to get the special woman in your life something to let her know she’s your “Be Mine”, there are plenty of retailers with ample ideas. Just look for the red tags, red hearts, red roses, red candy boxes, and red wine. What nobody seems to talk about are the land mine gifts that could potentially cause your sweetie to go off on you. That’s the information you really need. Here it is: a list of Valentine’s Day gifts NOT to buy.
I don’t care if the Spanx she has now have holes in places that push enough flesh through to make it look like she has a tumor. If you give a woman Spanx, she will think her body isn’t good enough for you the way it is. It doesn’t matter how often she mentioned wanting new ones. Spanx are the 21st century’s version of a girdle, and they are to be worn so covertly that men don’t even know they exist.
Let it be known by men everywhere that the cost of the gift does not indicate how much you love your woman. A washer and dryer may cost more than a gold bracelet, but don’t you dare buy a woman an appliance for Valentine’s Day. A woman wants to be told how special she is, not reminded of chores. Note: the following items also fall under the category of appliance:
Unless the woman in your life is a personal trainer, a professional athlete, or an aerobics instructor, fitness equipment will not go over well. And even then it’s risky. Right or wrong, women tend to be self-conscious about their bodies. Any gift that indicates their bodies could use some improvement will result in a cold evening on the couch for you. You may purchase the bicycle with the idea of riding together, but she’ll receive it with the idea that you think she should be more active. EVEN IF THAT’S TRUE, Valentine’s Day is not the appropriate time to have that conversation. Gifts a woman might misinterpret include:
Technology can be a thoughtful gift. It can also be something you buy your wife or girlfriend because you want to use it. Let’s be honest. She’ll know if her present was bought with her in mind or with you in mind. Chances are that if it involves surround sound or voice activation, you won’t get to see her in that pretty red lingerie number at the end of the evening.
Has she mentioned wanting to paint the dining room a new color? That’s great. Put it on your honey do list, not her wish list. The same goes for new floors, new fixtures, and new yard equipment.
While a woman may appreciate the fact that you listened to her well enough to remember her saying she needs a new taillight, buying her something she would eventually get anyway just doesn’t cut the mustard romantically. It’s like saying, “Happy anniversary, honey. To celebrate the years we’ve shared our lives, I scheduled a dentist appointment for you. I remembered you saying you needed to get your teeth cleaned.”
Cookbooks don’t plug in. Otherwise they would be on the list of appliances.
You may have forgotten, but she didn’t. Avoid the walk of shame on February 15th when you have to explain what you did to the woman at the return counter who looks at you like…
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